If you’re renting, then sooner or later you’ll get the news you’ve been dreading since you moved in: Reader’s Digest have your postal address.

Ha! Just kidding. Reader’s Digest doesn’t care if you’re renting, living in your own house or on the witness protection program. I’m sure even the aliens at Area 51 get a copy every month.

No, I’m talking about the dreaded rental inspection.

Now if you’re female and/or a neat freak you won’t need to do much at all. Just a quick wipe and you’ll have everything shining so brightly your landlord will sue you for retina damage.

But if you’re a guy you probably haven’t cleaned, vacuumed or mopped since you moved in. And now you’ve got two weeks to catch up on six months of cleaning.

What can you do?

First, throw out all those old pizza boxes. Yes, they’ve been great for playing real-life Angry Birds with your mates, but they need to go.

Next, pick up all the clothes off the floor (you probably didn’t even know you had a floor) and throw them in the washing machine. It may spit them straight out again—washing machines are pretty smart these days—but keep throwing them back in until it gives up.

And now that you can see the floor again, it’s time to give it a good vacuum.

Of course, you probably haven’t owned a vacuum cleaner since you rode the one your parents gave you into your neighbour’s brick fence. And the last thing you want to do is spend a fortune on something you’ll only use a couple of times a year.

The good news is you don’t have to. You can just rent a vacuum cleaner from PHD Rentals for as long as you need it, and then quickly return it so you don’t catch the dreaded “cleaning bug”.

Mind you, you’ll soon find it can be used for more than just cleaning carpets. Poke the nozzle into the nooks and crannies around your house and the 2200-watt motor will soon be sucking up loose change, your favourite t-shirt goodness knows what else. And because it’s bagless, you’ll quickly be able to fish them all out.

Handy tip: If you lose a contact lens, put a piece of pantyhose over the nozzle and use it to trap the lens. You probably won’t find it, but everyone will think you’re such a weirdo for having pantyhose in the house you can probably go back to wearing glasses.

Now that the floors are clean, you can get on with the rest of the house—oven, shower, bath, toilet, windows, etc.

Then again, you do have that Readers Digest to get through.