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Going for a tumble

If there’s one thing we’ve learned to rely on, it’s not to rely on the weather.

 

Thanks to the El Nino effect (or more accurately the El Neener Neener Neener effect), it can go from bright and sunny to monsoonal in a matter of hours. In fact, the meteorologists are now forecasting the weather by using a Magic 8-Ball.

 

No longer can you simply pick an outfit to wear for the day. Now you have to pack a suitcase full of clothes to cater for every possible weather phenomenon. (“Next on The Home Shopping Network: a snowmobile that fits in a briefcase.”)

 

But if you think choosing clothes is hard now, you should try drying them.

 

Forget about hanging them on the line before you go to work. Goodness knows what state they’ll be in when you get home. (Unless it’s really windy, in which case they’ll probably be in Tasmania.)

 

So what are your options?

 

Well, you can set up makeshift clotheslines all over the house and hope no-one gets decapitated. Or you can rent a clothes dryer from PHD Rentals.

 

Just think: No more waking up at five just to hang out the clothes. No more having to limbo when you walk around the house. And no more dancing around the bedroom as you put on pants that are still damp.

 

So get in touch with PHD Rentals. They’ll quickly deliver your clothes dryer as quickly as possible (traffic chaos permitting). And, like every other item from PHD Rentals, it’s covered by their rental quality guarantee. Which is more than you can say about those meteorologists.

 

Pretty soon you’ll be filling it with clothes, setting them tumbling, and falling asleep to the hypnotic sound of a coin hitting the drum over and over again. And the kids will enjoy watching it so much they’ll probably forget about the television.

 

Which is good, because with all the clothes hanging inside it’s impossible to see.

 

 

 

Thanks for the memories

School has started once again, which means another year of concerts, sporting carnivals and other events designed to teach your children important life skills, such as how to fake an injury.

And that means you’ll soon be close friends with your GPS as you drive your kids and their costumes/uniforms/friends all over town and back again.

Tip: Get a taxi meter installed in your car. Chances are you’ll still have to drive them everywhere, but at least you’ll get something out of it.

Of course, you’ll also be expected to attend most, if not all, of these events. But that’s okay. These are special moments, and you’ll want to be there when your child takes centre stage, faces the crowd, and then falls to the ground clutching their knee.

And to make sure you get to keep those memories forever (and embarrass them on their 21st birthday), you should rent a video camera from PHD Rentals.

Now if you think that means fiddling around with tiny video tapes or those mini-DVDs, think again. The video cameras from PHD Rentals use SD (“Something-to Do-with-video-cameras”) memory cards, so you don’t have to spend hours fast-forwarding and rewinding.

And when you’ve finished filming for the day you just take the card out of the video camera, pop it into your computer, and then start fishing around inside the DVD slot you put it in by mistake.

And once you’ve got the footage on your computer you can do anything with it—send it friends and relatives, post it on YouTube, send it to your local TV station. The possibilities are endless, as will be the complaints from your kids when the video goes viral.

So what are you waiting for? Get in touch with PHD Rentals today and start capturing those priceless moments.

Well, maybe not priceless. But you should make some decent money out of it. Kids will do anything to avoid looking stupid on YouTube.

Basket case

Whoever said, “The only two certainties in life are death and taxes” obviously didn’t do the laundry. 

You can get out of doing the dishes by using paper plates and plastic knives and forks. But unless you’ve got an endless budget (or live in a nudist colony) you’ll have to wash your clothes sooner or later.

So what can you do?

You could take your basket (okay, plastic bag) of dirty clothes to your parents’ place and trick them into doing it for you. (“Oh no, I’ve never used a washing machine before. Could you show me how to use it?”) But to do that you’ll have to stay for dinner (served at 4pm) and listen to endless stories about relatives you haven’t seen since you were five.

Another option is to head down to the local Laundromat with so much change you sound like you’re wearing spurs. But the machines will all be full of clothes while their owners are off doing other things—having a drink, grabbing lunch, raising a family, etc.

And if a machine is free, it’s because it:

  • is broken
  • is full of something that definitely isn’t detergent
  • has a coin slot that needs at least one fifty-cent piece (which is the only coin you don’t have).

And do you really want other people to see your underwear?

A much better option is to hire a washing machine from PHD Rentals. You can get yourself a top-loader, front loader (great if there’s nothing on TV), or even a washer/dryer combo so you don’t have to hang out your clothes. (Sorry, but there’s no “iron my clothes and hang them in the wardrobe” option. Yet.)

So what are you waiting for? Get in touch with their friendly staff and get your washing machine delivered today.

Because we really don’t want to see you at a nudist colony.

 

Sound advice

It’s Saturday night, and there’s nothing worth watching on TV. At least that’s the verdict from your kids, who’ve flicked through the channels a dozen times. (This is why you never subscribed to cable—they’d get RSI in their thumbs from cycling through them all.)

So you head off to the nearest Blockbuster to choose a movie for the night. Well, they do. You wait in the car so you don’t have to hear the cries of “I’ve already seen it” and “That’s stupid” for the next hour.

Eventually they choose one. Of course it’s an overnight release, which means you’ll have to return it the next day or lose the house paying the fine. And like most movies these days it has a thousand hours of extras you’d never get through in a lifetime.

You arrive home, and the kids pile out before you’ve even stopped the car. By the time you walk in the front door the movie has already started. (At least you didn’t have to sit through the previews.)

According to the DVD case it’s an “Action Thriller”, which translates to zero plot and an explosion every few minutes. Sure enough, one of the characters fires a missile just as you sit down, and you wait for the windows to shake as it explodes.

But the windows don’t shake at all. In fact, the “explosion” sounds more like your first video game console that burned the scores into your dad’s television set.

It’s time to turn your lounge room into a home theatre with some stereo equipment from PHD Rentals.

Unfortunately if you come home with an actual stereo system your kids will just laugh at you. They think of “stereo” the same way you think of “mono”. (It’s also why they laugh whenever you suggest switching to an AM radio station in the car.)

No, what they want is a surround system, which means by the end of the opening credits your neighbours will surround the house demanding that you turn it down.

The good news is you no longer need massive speakers that turn your lounge room into Stonehenge. Even relatively small speakers can generate a big sound, which your kids will happily demonstrate.

And it’s a much cheaper alternative to going to the movies. By the time you buy tickets, drinks and “food” for everyone (you gave up asking them to share years ago), you’re up for a small fortune.

So by renting from PHD Rentals you’ll not only have the kids where you can keep an eye on them, you’ll also save loads of money.

Which should just about cover all those late fees.

 

Reality Television

 

Spring is here at last, and we can finally go outside and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Well, at least until we’re set upon by homicidal magpies and forced back inside.

Luckily for us the football finals are just around the corner, which means there’s plenty of sport on the television to keep us entertained.

(Of course, if you’re not into sport and prefer reading the newspaper you’re in for a tough time. The state of a player’s hamstring is now more important than the global financial crisis, and even the Kardashians if it’s a really bad injury.)

These days football games are broadcast in Full HD, 3D, and probably even work with Scratch ‘n’ Sniff cards. (“Quick! He’s gashed his cheek. Where’s that ‘Fresh Blood’ card?”) With the right television it feels like you’re at the game, or at least it would if the commentators would shut up for a minute.

But if the only acronym you can find on your television is ‘HMV’, then it will probably still look like a game of Pong. And after half an hour of that you’ll probably be tempted to face the magpies again.

It’s time to upgrade.

The good news is you don’t have to spend a fortune on a new television (and another fortune getting it delivered). Get in touch with PHD Rentals, and they’ll deliver a television to suit your budget and lifestyle—usually within 24 hours (magpies permitting).

And if you’d rather perform home dentistry than watch a cricket match, don’t worry. PHD Rentals offer both short- and long-term contracts, so you won’t be stuck with a television you don’t need.

So forget about the magpies. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy finals fever on your new television from PHD Rentals.

And welcome to the 21st century.

A marathon effort

 

Out of all the Olympic events, one of the most gruelling would have to be the marathon. (Well, to compete in at least. The most gruelling to watch would definitely be the dressage.)

And as they spend the next two hours or so running along the 42.195km course, I’m sure every athlete has the same question running through their mind: “What’s with the decimal places? Haven’t these people heard of rounding?”

But if you think running for a couple of hours is tough, spare a thought for your fridge. It’s been running for years now, enduring some of the worst conditions imaginable—leftovers. And by “leftovers” I mean “food that’s become so toxic it’s eating away the metal shelves”.

The biggest problem is there’s no finish line to mark the end the race. Instead it just keeps running until it can’t go any more, just like the athletes who collapse in a heap and wish they’d taken up a less gruelling sport—such as chess.

Unfortunately your fridge doesn’t get anywhere near as much TV coverage (unless your son has set up a webcam in there), and so you won’t be told that it’s broken down. Instead you’ll come home after work one day to find all the food has spoiled and, even worse, your beer is warm.

The good news is PHD Rentals can have a replacement fridge there in no time. Just give us a call (or jump online if your son isn’t watching other people’s fridges) and we’ll deliver one of our leading brands of refrigerators fast.

And our terms are very flexible, so you only need to hire it for as long as you need it—a month to get your old one fixed, six months to save up for a new one, or a year to get the toxicology report back on those leftovers.

Before you know it you’ll have a fridge full of food, a belly full of beer, and a computer full of messages asking when the webcam will be back online.

Because anything is better than watching the dressage.