So you’ve finally moved out of your parents’ house and into your very own unit/flat/future demolition site. Congratulations.


Of course, you didn’t really want to move out of your parents’ place. You just wanted to move away from your parents. And unfortunately they wouldn’t let you take the house with you.


But now you’ve finally got your freedom. In fact, you’re got plenty of freedom because there’s no furniture apart from maybe an air mattress and a sleeping bag.


So what do you need?


At some stage you’ll need a bed, especially if you plan on sharing it with someone. You may be okay with the sleeping bag arrangement, but they probably haven’t used one since their last sleepover when they were eight.


You may also need a washing machine if your parents don’t live close by (or have changed the locks). The only other alternative is to go to the laundromat, and we’ve already discussed how much of a hassle that can be.


You’ll need a way to entertain yourself. You could get a cheap television, borrow a book from the library (ask your parents about them), or just listen to the neighbours yelling at each other.


And of course you have to eat, so you’ll need to get yourself a microwave oven.


A lot of people think microwave ovens are only good for reheating leftover Chinese, but that’s just rubbish. They’re also great for reheating leftover pasta.


And they have other uses as well.


Want to improve your maths skills? There’s no better way than trying to cook with a microwave. The cooking time is always based on a microwave with some obscure wattage that doesn’t actually exist. So you have to perform a series of calculations and set the timer for whatever answer you got (e.g. 2.3E+17).


Want to have leftover pizza for breakfast when you’ve got a massive hangover? Usually the crunch as you take a bite sounds like a nuclear explosion, but not if you’ve got a microwave. Just put it in the microwave for 30 seconds and you’ll have pizza with a base so soft you can barely hear yourself chewing. In fact, it’s so soft you probably suck it through a straw.


As you can see, a microwave is one appliance you can’t do without (as much as the local fire brigade would like you to). But having paid your bond plus four weeks’ rent in advance you really don’t have money to buy one. (You can barely afford electricity.)


Fortunately, you can rent a microwave from PHD Rentals for less than a dollar a day. Which means you’ll have about four dollars left over to buy something to cook in it. And four dollars a day times seven days equals…


Sorry, I meant six days. Your parents still do a roast on Sundays, don’t they?